A Collage of Thoughts

Believe it or not my thoughts have not been as well sorted as usual.
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Some cries of my heart:

As Saxon's brother:
-Please, God, take this cancer from my brother, and restore his health.

-Please, God, don't let Saxon be in pain. (He gets morphine roughly every 3 hours, and there have been times when the pain hits before its time for morphine. The worst instance of this that I was present for consisted of me laying hands on him and praying while my mom was holding him onto him, crying for him, speaking to him, and praying over him. He was moaning with pain.) That is so difficult to be present for.

As God's son:
-Please, God, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." - Psalm 19:14... Basically, the part of me that God has placed in me (the Spirit) still, in the midst of all of the "life" that is happening, needs God to get glory from the way I handle this. If my life is a tapestry that I get to weave for God, then the Spirit of God urges me to weave a jewel of trust and service into my tapestry through this situation. God is intentional, and I do not want to leave a hole of missed opportunity in that which I am weaving.

That thought is so counterintuitive. It is cool to see God being God within me - because that reaction is not me. Glory to God.
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The most difficult aspect of all of this is watching my brother hurt. . . It is so so very difficult. Today, for the first time, his pain was at a 10 out of 10. That means it was the worst pain he has ever felt in his life. We are trying to figure out how to deliver morphine orally so that we can go home, but there is a delay that does not exist with intravenous (IV) delivery. So finding the right amount of morphine, timing the delivery, adjusting to sleep patterns, controlling bowels, fighting the body's ability to build a immunity to morphine, and walking through the pain are all examples of battles. Prayer for all of this is appreciated. Please continue to ask God to do what He loves to do - bring health to His child, and we will await God's timing.

I remember in the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego that they were not delivered from the flames until they walked face-first into them. I do not think that we are in the fire yet. I think we have been informed that fire is coming, and we might even be walking toward the furnace. I still expect (or am battling to expect because I admit it is a war) for God to produce a miracle.
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Please pray for Saxon's pain, health, morale, and strength. I am still asking people to go to war for my brother. Please also ask the Lord to grant my family calmness, strength, wisdom, and resolve. I would also like to ask for everyone to give God the glory that He is due. Glory because He is God in general, glory because He has given my brother some good days within the last two weeks, glory for meeting my brother in the midst of his fears, and glory for what He has done in so many hearts through this situation already. Glory to the Good and Perfect Father - He is trustworthy.
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Saxon told my mother at 4 a.m. on Thursday morning, "Momma, I am not scared anymore. I know Jesus will do what He wants, and that's the end of it."

Glory to God for that. I had not heard news that good in a long while.
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I would also like to express gratitude to the Kingdom of God on behalf of my family. The amount of support we have received is completely overwhelming! Thanks to everyone for the love, food, and money, and especially thanks for the prayers to and petition of God.
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I am not perfect by any stretch, but I do want all of this to be fruitful.

Thank You, Father, for the spirit of thanksgiving. Thank you that you are good always, and thank you that I can trust what You are doing because of who You are. I love and respect You - You know that. I am begging You, with every piece of influence that You have freely give to me through Jesus, to take the cancer from my brother's body. Give him a healthy, full, and daring life - lived as a testament of Your power and grace. I trust that You will meet us in this place. You do not abandon Your children. Make all glory and honor and praise Yours.
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"The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun, which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and like a strong man, runs its course with joy. Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them, and there is nothing hidden from its heat."                    

Psalm 19:1-6